The Teacher Applicant
TEACHER APPLICANT
After being interviewed by the school
administration, the eager teaching prospect said
“Let me see if I’ve got this right. You want me to
go into that room with all those kids, and fill
their every waking moment with a love for learning,
and I’m supposed to instill a sense of pride in
their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior,
observe them for signs of abuse and even censor
their T-shirt messages and dress habits.
You want me to wage a war on drugs and
sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks
for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their
self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism,
good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to
register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and
how to apply for a job.
I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a
safe environment, recognize signs of anti-social
behavior, make sure all students pass the state
exams, even those who don’t come to school regularly
or complete any of their assignments.
Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students
with handicaps get an equal education regardless
I am to communicate regularly with the parents by
letter, telephone, newsletter and report card.
chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a
big smile AND on a starting salary that qualifies
my family for food stamps! You want me to do all of
I CAN’T PRAY!”
